I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
