i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
