just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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