my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize