And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Me too!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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