My hand turned me down
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
