So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
