i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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