needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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