I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
