I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
40s are totally the cure
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
