Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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