im calling her cock vulture from now on
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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