I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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