the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
