the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
