I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
