Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
