Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I cut my penus on the lid.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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