He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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