Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
