I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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