There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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