Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
