I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
