I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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