i think i have herpe
just one?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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