margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
