i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
