This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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