He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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