That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
