is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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