I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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