I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
