Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize