Just cropdusted the office
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
