the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
