so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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