you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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