It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
