Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
