i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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