1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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