Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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