oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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