Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
