ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
