It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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