Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
