It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I just put wine in my tea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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