So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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