The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
