If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize