I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Houston, we have a squirter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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