ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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