So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
