if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
