I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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