i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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