dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You have to summon your inner elephant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
