Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
