Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a search helicopter?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
