woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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