32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
