I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
