We're facebook friends in real life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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