Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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