so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize