ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
