I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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