When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize