I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
