12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
