I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
