Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize