he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
