So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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