I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I looked at my own cervix.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize