I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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